the year 2005 is here and its flying by already....but alot of bad things have happened this past month around the world and immediately around me too...so many natural disasters and so many friends who have loved ones in the hospital or losing loved ones...its sooo sad...and then i get scared of getting older cuz i know that its a closer time to where im going to be dealing with that as well with my family and friends...and my loved ones around me will be dealing with it more as well with their family and friends.....its really scary to me...like im so apprehensive and scared already of knowing how ill feel when i go through that, cuz i know itll be very hard for me to deal with things like that....i totally cherish all my family and friends and i want them to be around forever......i know we should all make most of the moments that we have with all of our loved ones, and i usually always try to do that....but yet i feel like i only see everyone few times a year when i know that i want to see them all the time....its so hard with everyone's schedule to gather all in one place....but i am very thankful for all those times that i did get to spend with everyone....especially this past holiday i felt like it lasted like a whole month for me cuz i was meeting up with fam and friends from the first week of dec all the way until last week...it was reallly good to see everyone...very refreshing to catch with everyone and spend quality time with them....esp with my weirdo schedule im glad that i was able to meet up with friends and fam and that everyone was very flexible with my hours....dang i havent written since november! it has been a while...ehhehe as usual the same routine for me work sleep eat errands talk on the phone when i can and see loved ones once in a blue moon .....thats me...and then just when i thought things were looking up at work, they turn for the worst again! seriously theres some conspiracy against my immediate dept for us not to move up...and then while we have been doing a superb job, instead of the heads being satisfied, they give us twice the amount of stuff and with less people!...it was good that an earlier shift rotation was going to start, cuz we'd have to take on more responsibilites and those have to be done early in the morning from m-f, but its killing the rest of the people left to pick up the rest of the slack, cuz we'd lose those the people to morning shift, while the rest of the 6 hours and all day saturday, we're working double the pace and double the samples!....and then since people ar still getting hired, its hard to tell when theyll train through everything and if theylll even stay! cuz the last girl quit after a week.... everything got plopped on us all at one time, while we were losing one of our team to another position and we havent done all the hiring yet ....basically i was sad cuz i was supposed to train soon with that shift next week, but i dont know if ill get to anymore cuz we're struggling as a team with two less people doing the training that they might change the remaining weeks to only one person doing that shift , which would most prob be the ones that already trained last week...so the rest of us prob wont get a chance to go for a while, cuz for us to get trained, the part of the team that knows already has to train the rest of us, so thatll always require 2 people for the shift.....and i was so excited that we were starting that shift already too, like finally something that benefits us, like a chance at an earlier m-f shift, cuz we thought there was no chance at all for a shift like that to open for us in our dept.....so everything is up in the air....another annoying thing is that alot of us want to move to another position for more money and to learn more, but we all have to be six months there before we can apply to another position...wat sucks is that ive been there for almost 9 months but the first 3 months thatt i did as temp dont count, even tho all those fools have seen me working there for so long! i swear all these excuses...and with our luck..hella positions opened up at year end, and with being a month and a half shy of 6 months, none of us could have applied...we did try talking to the heads, but they told us to look for openings and when there were openings, hr would say "oh ure not 6 months yet" or there was the question if our manager was going to even let us try tyo appply cuz "oh ure not 6 months yet" his weapon of keeping us as long as he can...and now that its nearing 6 months when now would be a good time to apply, cuz by the time the whole process is done, we woulda been 6 months and we could start a new position....of course theres no positions avail cuz they were all taken like 2 weeks ago by outsiders!....and there are no postings watsoever at work...and i search online to see if there are openings and there is one!!! they dont even post inside work, where ud figure that thats the first place hr would post! how shady is that! i dont understand why they would do that but it totaly feels its cuz they're trying to keep us where we are cuz we're doing well...its so frustrating...i mean if the company would give us all more money for piling so much more crap on us all of a sudden, we would all be ok....but its sooo unfair that theyre paying us the same and they expect us to work with sooooo much more stuff to do and when the machine comes, they should definately pay us more cuz our duties are going to change significantly. on top of wat we normally do added to the new crap they want us to do and running the machine!....but thts not even sure either....so were getting jipped no matter where we look at work! totallly feel like were slaves....its so unfair...and we should say something but to whom? feel like we cant trust anyone there cuz theyre all conspiring against us and we havent done anything but work our butts off and reach goals for the company that theyve been trying to reach for soooo long...its soooooooo frustrating! but i guess it feels better to have written this out....cuz when i say it out loud it makes me even more mad!ehhehe so i duno wat my schedule is going to be next week but i bet with my luck im going to have to come in mon-sat....with only having this sunday off..that sucks! ........but enough about that...... the holidays were good! we went to vegas and we havent spent christmas there in soo long! so we drove up on christmas eve and we stayed at tuscany suites..im glad all the fam liked it there.... and then we had dinner at uncle marlon and auntie alice's place and we were supposed to go to midnight mass but my mom wasnt feeling well so i stayed with her at their house while everyone else went to mass....before that we gambled at sunset station and i won at blackjack! yay! then the next day we watched lani misalucha and society of 7 and it was soooo good! theyre all amazing singers! and then we picked up len from the airport!!!yay!! we then hung out on the strip walking around, then eating and playing games it was fun....then len and i gambled again at sunset station cuz orleans was bad luck for us last time.....and cuz it was good luck for me the day before! but we both lost...no matter wat i played i would lose! and then the next day we went to church and then the fam wanted to go to sunset station again so again we went! joe and i went to hooters cuz he couldnt gamble and everyone else gambled and lost again! so i guess thats my lesson 'never try to milk the same casino more than a day, cuz itll take all their money back and a lot more too!' then we left but there was traffic so it took us 6 hours to get home....then the whole week i was in n out of work cuz i had the flu.....i left early on tues and len picked me up, i called in sick wed, and then thurs i left early again....fri i was ok and that was nye so i went to simi after work ...then we were there for the countdown and we stayed the whole weekend.....len kim and i watched phantom of the opera on sat it was sooo good! cant wait to see the musical.....and then len left that sunday =( then it was back to normal schedule after that, along with meeting up with friends during the weekend to give them christmas gifts or meeting up with old friends that i havent seen in sooooo long! it was reallly nice! now i need to develop all my 3 roles of film....yes im primitive with my FILM camera ehhehe....wow this blog is long! ill write more in a lil bit...