today was the great day light savings which means that i get an extra hour of sleep yay!! ehehhe i woke up at around 8 today and felt wide awake...this week was ok..pretty chill but also scary cuz there are so many brush fires going on, which has destroyed hundreds of homes and taken lives....theres a fire in the claremont area and simi valley...and i had no idea that they were soooo close to civilization til i watched the news...and the simi valley fire is so close to home cuz i have many relatives there and i was just there on friday too! and the claremont one, tinz said that its 20 mins from her house and its snowing ash over there..and the breathing conditions must be crazy.....and many freeways are closed....and i saw the simi smoke while on my way to valencia...it soared up into the sky and it really looked to me like a cloud of smoke from a bomb or something....soo many thousands of acres...i hope its contained sooon....whats crazy too is that the simi one was caused by an suv fire and the claremont one is arson...both magnified cuz of the really dry hot weather weve been having..., esp with all the winds...and all those people who watched their houses go down, thats sooo terrible..ill be praying for all of them and hopefully this crisis will be over soon.........im sleepy now..good nite!

"the future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams..." Eleanor Roosevelt

what a beautiful quote ....i should always remember this quote whenever i start to feel down...but its so hard with my dwindling self-esteem and criticisms that seem to keep me down, especially words from those whom i would least expect to say such things.....i just gota keep strong...only a few more years when i can get out on my own, but will that really ever stop all the mean things??? i cant remember a time in my life where i felt that i was happy with myself for a constant time....whether it be hearing it from family or myself, i would always manage to bring myself down...its just getting so bad lately..esp this year...hearing all the criticisms does not help an already low self-esteem.....its just soo frustrating...i did try my best to lose weight and no one saw that....all they see is that im not losing weight and thats all they focus on...i should know better than to let this get to me... but its so hard....len and my friends try to cheer me up and tell me positive things but i dont know why my mind is trained to only believe the negative things people tell me instead...i dont know.....i just need to focus on the important things in my life and always remember that quote above....sigh

yay i went to the gym today..but it seemed like the longest hour ever to finish those freakin machines!!!!...and it was sooo hot in the valley today...boy has this year been full of weirdo weather....then i chilled at home..helped watched the day care kids, caught up on some passions to see whats going on with luis and sheridan...ran some errands with lola and bought a care bear night light!! then ate dinner and watched travel channel....the shows about the haunted places were on...those episodes are soo interesting but im freaked out after!!! eheheh

today was pretty chill...spent the morning watching tv...bush's speech in the philippines, then flipping channels between e! and my fave travel channel!!! i just love watching that station cuz it makes me long to get out n travel once i get a career started..you would figure that it would make me feeel frustrated seeing all those beaufitul places and not having the resources to go out n do it, but that channel keeps me dreaming and i just love it hehehejust like my love for transportation places like the airport.....i would want my parents to travel too but its hard cuz my mom just cant take a vacation just like that...i dont know maybe someday....anyways then we picked up lola and my mom at the mall and went to eat...then went to mass and went to eat dinner.....after that i did ddr and some laundry... im really scared about the whole thyroid thing..i hope that im able to take something to remedy the problem with that so i can reverse the weight gain and make my monthly's on a regular schedule already..im getting worried...hopefully all turns out well....dang it no wonder i havent been losing weight and ive just been gaining...freakin hypothyroidism....hopefully its not too serious!!! i find out wed.!!!!

"it isnt the mountain ahead that wears you out, its the grain of sand in your shoe" (robert service)

i realllly hate 196!!!! hheheeh everytime im tired i think about how my schedule got screwed!! i dont know how much longer i can hang!! that class is tiring me out...and the commute is terrible! =( at least next week is already week 4...im trying to figure out the times where i dont hav to go to lecture so i can save my car some miles n gas!..anyways this week was pretty chill (when i wasnt in school)...on monday went shopping with lola...tues went to class, wed went to class n got my reprints done, thurs went to class, and today ran some errands with lola, went to olive garden, and went to walmart!...then we all went to the fiesta at st gens..lola and my parents went together...and i went with marj n we met cherlou n chessa there and met pauline n nick there..it was sooo cool catching up with everyone and they made the fiesta so enjoyable and fun!! then we went to sanam to eat and did some more catching up...it was a very good day.....good start of a weekend after a hellish week!...

just got back from the bay today....just 4 days left of the week/ or 3 lonnng days left of my week...dang im soo pissed off....i had my schedule all perfect and then stupid research class who had a tba time slot met to determine a lecture time and the times available were soo whack except for one and the teacher was against that one...so bascially at the 10:30-12 slot on wed was one time everyone could make it except for me...so they asked me to change my lab..freaking sucks so imma be in school til 5 (school starting at 8am) on thurs, to drive thru traffic.....i was looking forward to maybe getting out early on thurs and being able to take the train.but now i gota drive all days...freaking sucks...but isnt that the story of my life..always catering to others instead of looking out for myself.....i tried to get out of it but they were looking at me like that was the only time and stuff and worst of all is that i tried to think of so many reasons so ican stay in my lab....i shoulda pretended that i had class at all those time slots of the other labs...but i dont know and then when i had already left the room i thought that i was going to take the train but now since my lab ends so late i wont be able to.....i hate it i hate it!!! and so i also had to attend the first day of lab twice last week...also instead of having a gap from 2-7 on wec, now its 12-7...freakin eh what am i going to go within those hours..hehe so tempting to just go home..but i gues itll be better once the research hours start....
anyways on a brighter note..the weekend went well...slept over mccadden on thurs to leave for a bright n early flight from lax....i got so emotional at the airport..cuz as i was coming back from the bathroom i saw this lady yelling at her husband with his head down cuz they had missed their flight...i felt so sorry for him because she was giving a huge tantrum.....gosh people have emergencies to go to the bathroom!! its nature!! shes stupid she shoulda just stayed on the plane......lol everyone else spectating also thought she was crazy....anyways len picked us up when we got there...then we kicked it at lynn's dorm...went to eat at the thai restaurant....then chilled at the hotel.....lynn and i walked around and caught up on whats going on ..then we went to the mondo gellato!! soo yummy!! eheh i wanna go back soon....very light ice cream with hella flavors...then we went back to hotel and len came after helping his bro move....we ate at fat slice, which was like blondie's but people kept coming up to us for change......and len says that never happens to him when him n his friends go there....then i went with len to vallejo to help prepare for koa's bday party....saw nani for the first time and saw all the family after 3 months although it seems like a yr!! and the kids have grown soooo much in 3 months time! i had fun playing with them and being able to help out with errands that i could....then saturday was koa's bday at a really nice park...the weather was perfect up there...already sweatshirt weather and comfortable for me!! then met a few more cuzns of theirs...and it was a really chill day...then we went to the wilson's residence where everyone came over to drink n open koa's gifts...it was soo funny watching all them drink hehhehe and did they drink alot!!! len drank too cuz its his bday the next day hehehe....then on sunday we went to brunch at hometown their breakfast is yummy there...then went to church ..then we took ninang to the airport and headed out to watch rex navarette..but it sucks cuz we were there hella early and they tell us they only have 15 tickets left to sell...and we had to buy six and dave n eileen were there so that was 8 of us together...and we werent the first people in line..but it sucks cuz they actually had more and i had already gotten outa my spot when i heard they had 15, cuz we were deciding not to go anymore n then when they got to the spot we were standing where dave was....they said they had four..so if i was thinking if we had stayed at our spot..we prolly woulda had enough...so i dont know but it woulda sucked for the people in back of us...and i feel bad cuz i think his friends really wanted to see rex..but of course they came out for len's bday so it didnt matter what we did i guess and we could look at it like we saved money??..so we left and at a thai restaurant ..then went to norm's to watch better luck tomorrow...then today was just chill..played with the babies some more and then went to airport...i didnt want to leave cuz i dont know when the next time im going to see len is...hopefuly we go to vegas in nov..but not sure yet...welps ill write more later...babbled long enough ehehe